The Joy of the Harness

One of the aspects of my job I love most is the chance to facilitate support groups. This semester  my friend/coworker and I are leading a group on stewarding sexuality. The phrase "stewarding sexuality" might be unfamiliar to you; it was for me until I was able to participate in a small group conversation with Mark Yarhouse, a counselor, researcher, and professor at Regent University. Mark talks about stewarding our sexuality well; if you've gone to church, you know that the issue of stewardship of money is a familiar topic. We're taught that we need to use and save our money in a God-honoring way. The same mentality can be applied to sexuality. We need to use our sexuality - an inherent aspect of our creation - in a way that honors God. However, we tend to put sexuality in a separate box and treat it like it's just ours, that it's exempt from the issue of stewardship. My pastor had a great analogy about this concept in a recent sermon about sexuality. He said, "I love roller coasters, but even so, I wouldn't say to the attendant working at the ride, 'No thanks. I don't need the harness this time.' The harness is meant to help me enjoy the roller coaster well."That's what stewarding sexuality looks like - using it in a God-honoring way so that we can enjoy it well.

That analogy of a harness helping us to enjoy a roller coaster well has really stuck with me. There are lots of areas where I think I try to throw off the harness, believing the lie that life is better without it. In reality, it's reckless to live without it. Instead of fleeing from sin to righteousness, rejecting the harness means I'm fleeing from righteousness to sin. I know the things that tempt me toward my particular sin struggles, and the sad truth is that, sometimes, I embrace them instead of reject them. It's as if I approach the roller coaster of my sin, eye the harness, square my shoulders, decide that I've got a strong enough grip to ride the coaster harness-free, and hop on.

I could opt to secure myself with the healthy restraints of godly thought and behavior. Instead, sometimes I look around inside my mind and see that I've seated myself on a roller coaster that's slowly ascending the lift hill. The wise choice would be to grab for the harness and yank it down over my shoulders as hard and as fast as I can. Instead, sometimes I sit still, riding juuuuuuuuust a bit farther up the hill before lowering the harness into its intended position (which is to protect my safety). Other times, I ignore it completely, thinking I'm either too far gone, the sin will be worth it, or it won't be a big deal this time.

I don't think I'm alone in this. When we feel ourselves on the verge of saying something we shouldn't, doing something we shouldn't, or lingering on a thought we shouldn't... and there's that moment where we pause and debate if we should move ahead with the comment/action/thought... and then we do move ahead with it.... well, we do so because we decide that wanting what we want is reason enough to go get it.

Pastor Rob emphasized the word well in his analogy, and I think that adds something important to the word picture. It reminds me that the reason for the harnesses we have been given is to enjoy our life. We usually shove away the harness because we buy the lie that it limits our joy, but in reality, it enhances it. It offers us hope. It is meant to protect our safety, not sacrifice our contentment. Yes, it does limit our access to some things. This is not because we are not supposed to enjoy those things. It's because those things are best enjoyed in a certain way. I enjoy Doritos; I could eat a bag of them in one sitting, but when I see the empty bag, the enjoyment I had from them quickly fades. I enjoy Disney; I resist the idea of moving to Orlando, however, because I think the distance helps me enjoy my time there well. I enjoy having spending money; having a budget helps me enjoy my spending money well because it's no fun at all when I spend more money than I have.

I want to have as much joy as I can get out of this life. I believe God wants me to have joy, too. Our perspectives about where I can get that joy differ based on what He says in Isaiah 55:8: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." His definition of what will hold joy for me is informed by His holy, good, and all-seeing vision. My definition, however, is informed by my short-sighted, self-interested, want-it-right-now attitude. He and I both see how some things make me temporarily happy (which, by the way, is not the same as having joy) - speaking my mind in a blunt way, for example. Only He, though, can see into the future to how I'll feel later on, when I recognize that I sinned and feel like my tongue cast a shadow over that conversation. As a result, He has provided me with the opportunity to harness my tongue, for my safety and for my continued joy.

When I start seeing the harnesses God has provided for me as His attempts to discourage or limit my joy, I think that's an indication that I am fast approaching - or am already on - the roller coaster without the harness. It's a lie, plain and simple, that the harness is incompatible with my joy. On the contrary, the harness is meant to keep my sinful desires from sabotaging the joy God has for me. What a different perspective that is! Here's to remembering that God is for my good, for my growth, and for my godliness. If His harnesses help me get there, I pray He'll help me see them for the beautiful gifts that they are and gratefully, willingly lower them into place.