With the start of the year comes busyness, some stress, the ordeal of getting up each morning before the sun is up and getting to work on time, finding clothes to wear.... and dealing with people's reactions when they don't like my decisions. Today (or tonight, more accurately) brought a reminder that I can't be all things to all people. Sometimes, I have to make a decision that others don't like and deal with the way that my decision will be received and communicated to third parties. This week, I used my professional judgment (and what I think was wisdom from the Lord) to make a decision that a student didn't like. This student then emailed some people (not me) to express opinions about this in strong language. The things that were written don't feel good, especially since the empathy I tried to show while communicating the decision was not recounted in the email written about me to people who were not present for that conversation. I don't know what will happen as a result of this email.
The insecurity in me, already prowling around the last day or so, salivated at the chance to sink its teeth into something new.
However, the Lord must have been hedging me in before and behind tonight before I learned about this email because its bite wasn't as painful as others have been. Maybe that means I'm just getting good at making people mad and dealing with it! While I can't predict the outcome of this situation, it's a good reminder that I can't be all things to all people. Sometimes, I'll make a wise decision that will be received well. Other times, I'll make a wise decision that won't. And that doesn't even count all the times I just plain make unwise decisions! For every client that loves me and thinks I'm helpful, compassionate, and caring, I have those who see me very, very differently.
In the end, all I can do is make the best decision I can at any given time with the information I'm given. As my pastor said at church last weekend, when we are misunderstood or attacked or persecuted, "what did we expect?" He was referring to the fact that, as Christians, we were told from the get-go that we wouldn't be popular is this world. When we strive to avoid chaffing against others and never upsetting them as we walk through life, we end up having to live our lives essentially standing still. I can't be perfect. I can't avoid disappointing others. I can't base my value on being loved by the people who come to me for help (or by anyone else). It's impossible and, believe me, I've tried, so I know for a fact that it's impossible!
Interestingly enough, I have a feeling God was preparing me for this situation; in the last two days, I've gotten emails from two clients who, at one point in the past, were angry with me. They kept coming to see me, though, and things are better now. This week, each reached out from a hurting place. I spoke Truth and showed grace, and they both thanked me and were affirming of how it helped them. I also received a card from a former client who expressly stated that she prays for me and my clients daily and noted how hard it must be to do what I do. Um, wow. Clearly the Lord was showing me how He has used me. With the current situation, then, I can't help but wonder if it was intentionally allowed by God to give me an opportunity to live out greater faith and peace in Christ as I deal with what may come of it. In the past, I would have been squirming with insecurity, doubt, and fear. Tonight, I'm not happy, but this turn of events doesn't rule me. I feel at peace, which is only by the Spirit. I'm not trying to reassure myself of all the clients who like me; I'm facing the reality that not all do, and I'm not feeling shaken. While I don't do everything wrong in the calling the Lord has given me, the more I do this job, the more I realize this isn't about making sure I do everything right, either. The goal is to keep my eyes fixed on "the author and perfecter of my faith" (Hebrews 12:2). The Truth of 2 Corinthians 4 seems like a call for perspective as well, starting with 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 for context (the emphasis mine):
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
In the end, this is a momentary trouble. Let me remember this: "The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1)
This, too, shall pass. And THAT is a good reminder.
A very good one.
This, too, shall pass. And THAT is a good reminder.
A very good one.
3 comments:
I am sorry you have had a rough time and am here to talk it through if you are up for it. If you want to wait till Tuesday or if you need to talk it through before. I love you and God uses you in many and in incredible ways in so many lives.
And this, my dear friend, is an example of YOU "being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory"! So awesome to read of this suffering with more of His perspective growing in you! Praise the LORD of comfort and hope!
I empathized with what you went through in being misrepresented by a client! So frustrating and that kind of thing hurts. I think it's so cool that God met you in those feelings and gave you peace. How much easier to do a hard job when you have God. I admire your willingness to lean on Him and continue moving forward!
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