Guilt or Grace?

I have some pretty wise clients. They stretch me, grow me, encourage me, challenge me, and are often speakers of Truth in the life of their counselor. I'm blessed to know them and have focused time with them each week.

The latest dose of Truth and encouragement came last week when a client was sharing with me how she fell to a sin that she's struggled with on and off for years. She had an epiphany this time as she dealt with the aftermath of her sin. In the past, she beat herself up for a while in a weak (and very human) attempt to show God that she took her sin seriously.

I'm sure you've done this. Well, I'm not sure, but I sure know I have done this. We don't want to take grace for granted, so we opt not to take the grace, period. At least not for a few days. The goal of this behavior is to punish ourselves. Grace doesn't punish, and because we feel worthy of punishment (which we are) and unworthy of grace (which we also are), we decide we need some consequences before we can accept grace. When you think about it, it's obvious what a strange rationale this is on our part. The God of the universe, the Author of creation, the Perfecter of our Faith, the Redeemer of our souls, sees our sin, which separates us from Him, and when we confess it, He lowers Himself to show us mercy and tenderness and compassion. He decides our sin needs His grace, and He gives it. 

Freely. 

Fully. 

Without reservation. 

What do we do? We see that gift and the total unfairness of it. I think it drives us crazy as much as it drives us to our knees. We are so wired to earn, achieve, realize, accomplish, and perform for results. So we sin, and we shake our heads in disgust and frustration at our how pathetic we are, and we approach our Lord to confess it, prepared for a holy tongue-lashing, and what response greets us? 

"Child, I love you. My grace is made perfect in the very weakness your sin demonstrates in you." (2 Cor. 12:9)

"Daughter, don't you remember what I said? Nothing - not even that - separates us. You belong to me." (Rom.8:38)

"Kiddo, I am not angry. And I am not going anywhere. I'm here with you forever. Literally." (Deut. 31:6)

"That sin is gone. I've already taken care of it. There is no need or value in living in the shame of it." (Psalm 103:12)

"I have a present for you. It's called grace. Please honor Me by accepting it." (Eph. 2:8-9)

It's incredible, isn't it? 

It's also diametrically opposed to how things operate in this sick and dying world. We make a mistake, we earn a consequence. We do something good, we earn a reward. In God's kingdom, it doesn't work that way. A favorite song lyric illustrates this really well. Relient K, one of my favorite Christian bands, sings in "Be My Escape," "...And the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." In other words, grace is not fair. It's not fair to God. He cares more about our freedom than fairness, though -demonstrated no more clearly than by His sacrifice of His son on our behalf - so He gives it without hesitation when it's needed. 

Remember my client? and how she used to resist grace for a while after sinning so that she would  adequately punish herself before approaching God? Well, as is true for all of us, this didn't make her sin less, nor did it help her feel close to God, nor did it help her grow in Christlikeness. All resisting grace ever did for her was make her miserable, and alone, and more discouraged, and - you guessed it! - more likely to sin in the midst of her defeat.

This time, though, she learned an amazing lesson, stated so simply that it blew me away... and inspired this post... and led to a lot of thinking on my part. 

Ready to hear it? 

Here goes:

"Guilt is not a motivator." 

Were you expecting fireworks and something C.S. Lewis-ian? Isn't it funny how Truth comes so simply sometimes? So simply, in fact, that we might miss it or think little of how profound it is.

But think about that statement. Let's honor my high school biology teacher, Mr. Spreng (also a believer!), and digest it.

"Guilt is not a motivator."

That implies that something else is. Something does motivate. 

What might that be? 

I think it's grace.... the very thing we know we don't deserve... the very thing we resist... yet the very thing God gives us freely when we've confessed our need for Him.

So if I'm right that grace is the motivator, the question is, How does grace motivate? Well, let me speak for myself. When someone gives me grace, I feel closer to him or her. I gush with appreciation. When I'm hurting and a friend meets me in the midst of that hurt, I feel heard and affirmed and loved and helped. I have a friend who often helps me with this, and afterward I've told her that I'm "having gushes." That means I'm feeling caught up in how much I value her and feel close to her. I want more closeness with the friends who give me grace. I let them into my life more - even the parts I'm ashamed of and feel frantic about letting others see. Their grace strengthens our relationships and helps the roots dig even deeper into the soil. Their grace also prompts my willingness to be changed by their perspectives. Their grace invites my honesty, and not just the easy honesty - nope, the type of honesty where we can confront each other, challenge each other, and stand firm in our boundaries with each other. 

You know what doesn't help my relationships? what doesn't make me feel understood or helped? what doesn't encourage me to go to those I love when I have hard things to talk about? Their disappointment in me. Their conditional love. Their annoyance with me. Their brushing aside of my pain and focusing on my behavior without hearing my heart. Those things cause me to slink away, embarrassed and determined not to talk about that problem again. 

So, my client reminded me of something simply profound and profoundly simple. 

"Guilt is not a motivator." 

And this led her to seek the Lord, to confess her sin, to hear His Truth, to feel safe in His love, and to give herself the sweet and sometimes illusive permission to 

move 

on. 

What a great reminder! Guilt is not a motivator. Say it with me: "GUILT IS NOT A MOTIVATOR!" 

And the One I mentioned above? The God of the universe, the Author of creation, the Perfecter of our Faith, the Redeemer of our souls? He knew this. He knew guilt would never motivate the way that grace would. And He wanted to motivate us to trust Him, love Him, obey Him, serve Him, and seek Him, so what did He do? He designed a system that would motivate us to come to Him, to be honest with Him, to sit with Him and be changed by His love and His Truth. 

And that's fuel for that system?

Grace. 

The very thing we want so much is the very thing He uses to change us and draw us closer to Him.

Because music and lyrics speak to me sometimes in ways that words can't, here's a song (with the lyrics included) that I think demonstrates just how grace motivates. It's also by Relient K, which means it's awesome.

Am I alone in being totally in awe of that? My favorite part is the hook - -

"I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
the kind of person You deserve to worship You
You say You will not dwell on what I did
but rather what I do
You say, "I love you and that's what you
are getting yourself into"

How often do we get to be loved in exactly the way we want to be loved? in the way that never feels bad and always feels as good as a deep breath after a hard cry? 

If you're like me and are more motivated by guilt than you'd like, I suggest that we both request God's grace in undertaking a motivation overhaul. Not only is it okay to accept God's grace; it's okay that we enjoy it. Cherish it. Celebrate it. After all, if we can accept, enjoy, cherish, and celebrate His grace, how will that not motivate us to be, think, do, and live more like His Son? 

He will not dwell on what we did but rather what we do.

Amazing grace for sure.