Then, last night, when I was being grilled about why she couldn't watch TV or why I was making tuna noodle casserole for dinner (I can't remember which), I had a thought:
I ask God why
all
the
time.
Why didn't I get that job?
Why have so many of my friends had miscarriages?
Why do people do unspeakable things to their children?
Why do I have to use self-discipline?
Why can't I spend money however I want?
Why didn't that relationship work out?
Why can't more people feel appreciated and loved?
Why can't you just take away this sin/struggle?
I don't always ask these questions out loud, but as I tell my clients, God knows what I think and feel anyway, so I might as well say them out loud. [A dear friend recently reminded me of this, and it was a much-needed reminder.] And, really, thinking these questions is the same as asking them.
Praise Jesus that He's far more patient with me than I am with Hannah (or even with other people)! I'm working on being patient with her as He is patient with me... with you. I'm also working on feeling the freedom to ask why. When Hannah asks why, it's a sign of trust. She knows (or thinks she knows ;)) I have an answer, and she trusts me to not be angry with her. Sometimes I fail her on that account. Sometimes I don't know. And sometimes, when I can't think of a truthful or witty response, I just have to laugh. Not at her, but in enjoyment of her.
And I think that's rather like He reacts to me, too. Except that He always knows why, but because He also knows what's best, He may choose not to tell me why. He never laughs at me, He's patient with me, He wants me to feel safe and to trust Him with my questions, and He never tires of them.
Good thing I have Him to learn from. And good thing He welcomes me to sit at His feet and watch Him in action.
2 comments:
you said it!!! and well:)
I think you are right on all accounts:)
You are amazing. you should have been a counselor! Oh, I forgot, you are a counselor!! And a darn good one at that!! love you
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