Some Challenging Conversations

I had a great day at work today. We are having faculty/staff development days as we prepare for the return of students in a week from this Friday. This basically means we spend a lot of time in meetings, having worship corporately as a university, and planning for the year ahead.

This year's theme is "Christ Alone." Amen! Last year's theme was "For the long journey: Equipped for Service.... something something something." I think this year's theme is super because a) it's much shorter and b) I just love how it boils down where our priorities should be. In keeping with that, I've been reflecting a lot on a powerful conversation we had yesterday in the Student Life department.

I was sharing on the phone with my mom tonight about how this job affords me not just the chance to do what I love but to grow in my faith as well. Yesterday, we watched a video with the RDs (Resident Directors - basically the managers of the dorms) called "Through My Eyes." This was an emotionally-heavy video about homosexuality shot by interviewing 20 or so college-aged young people. The video started by giving each person a chance to describe their faith, and the things they were saying were spot on with my beliefs. As you may know, I could be a poster child for conservative evangelical Christianity. And I'm Calvinist on top of that (if you don't know what that is, follow the link and prepare to agree or disagree with me vehemently :))! The video seems to be just a documentary about young Christians, and then it slowly turns into retelling these young people's intense, agonizing struggle with feelings and desires that they don't want and prayed fervently for the Lord to take away. In short, some people believe (and research supports) that one can change his or her sexual orientation. I agree with that. But what happens when someone tries - really, truly, 100% tries - and it doesn't work? What then? In this video, no one was able to successfully accomplish changing their sexual orientation. It was so sad! These were men and women who desperately wanted a relationship with the real Jesus Christ of Scripture, and this terrible part of their lives destroyed the life they wanted.

This was a deeply challenging video to watch. As a Christian, I believe homosexuality to be a sin. There is clear Scripture spelling this out. These stories don't change my mind. But what do you do when you are in agreement with these Scriptures, you beseech God to transform you, and the feelings persist? As the VP of Student Life said to us after the video, these were kids who could easily be part of the fabric of our university; their theology and belief systems were identical with ours. Why didn't God answer their prayers to take these feelings away? Since we can't blame a poor upbringing or a bad relationship with Mom or Dad for them as so often can be a part of why someone experiences homosexual feelings, why did these feelings emerge in the first place?

During our discussion afterward, we touched on several challenging ideas. As a university, our policy strictly prohibits homosexual behavior. If a student, however, is struggling with homosexuality, we invite them to seek out support and accountability from a faculty or staff member. It's our great desire to walk beside them and help them feel as if this struggle is no better or worse than ANYTHING else anyone faces. As a Church (meaning all Christians worldwide, not just a particular church or our university), we've done a poor job of conveying that. I believe, also, that temptation is different than behavior. Our thoughts can be just as sinful as our acts, don't get me wrong, But when, for example, I'm tempted to lie and don't and choose instead to ask Christ for strength to honor Him and avoid sin, I haven't sinned. So if someone is tempted with homosexual thoughts/behavior and turns to Christ for deliverance from the temptation, they have not necessarily sinned either.

In keeping with that, we also mentioned this verse, widely-quoted as one of the Scriptures that defines homosexuality as a sin:

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Cor. 6:9-10)

What one RD astutely pointed out is that this verse says clearly says the idolators, adulterers, the greedy, slanderers, sexually immoral, and thieves will not inherit the kingdom of God. But as believers, we tend to skip right on over all that other stuff. And on top of that, this same RD also said that this seems to be the one sin we expect 100% perfection on from the point of conversion. In other words, once someone becomes a believer, we allow them 30 or 40 years to overcome their greediness or gossiping/lying natures, yet we seem to expect someone not just to walk away from homosexual behavior again (probably reasonable, in my mind), but we expect them to not even be TEMPTED anymore (unreasonable, in my mind). And as an aside, it seemed pretty clear that NONE of these young people had so much as acted on these feelings, either.

These conversations are so challenging for me. Our VP said it's easy to think we have the answers when there are no faces attached to the questions. I've personally dealt with three young people in the year I've been at this job who are struggling with this issue. I have to confess that I used to think I had this all figured out: it's sin, don't do it, end of story. Now, my belief is this: it's sin, don't do it..... and the story goes on from there. How I crave compassion for those who have this struggle, particularly when they understand the Gospel as fully and as genuinely as I do. I can tell you that this 60 minute video was more emotionally exhausting for me than any other day of counseling has ever been.

I am BY NO MEANS suggesting that this is not sin. I'm suggesting, however, that we all consider how to respond to someone who has questions. Let me be specific: how we respond to a Christian who has questions. My dear friend and former pastor Ben always says we cannot hold nonbelievers to the same standards as those to which we hold believers. If a non-Christian is homosexual, the conversation is entirely different to begin with, starting with sharing the full Gospel with them. But if someone already knows, believes, and proclaims the Gospel as Truth, that's very different then, isn't it? Do you and I allow them to ask their questions? Do you and I allow them to admit how much they've been hurt by well-meaning religious people who have told them they are going to burn in hell for their thoughts? Are you and I safe people that someone can approach and admit their struggle? If someone admits their struggle, are we "in it for the long haul?" Will we walk beside them and not think that one time of sharing Scripture is enough to explain our position and feel we've done our jobs? I've been guilty of this thinking, and more and more, with this and all sins, I just want to respond as Christ does. Christ attracted sinners of all shapes and sizes. He was safe for someone to say, "Jesus, I've done ______. I need help. I want to be more like You." He was clear with them about sin, but he invited them to surrender to Him and promised that He would never abandon them, no matter how well they succeeded in overcoming their past (and probably 100% of the time knowing they would return to past sins time and again). As a department, I think we are striving to make sure that we follow that example. We don't want to just have the right answers, though that is very important; we want to have the right heart and be open to hearing any struggle, not just the ones we think we can fix. I want to be like that as a person, too.